Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i don't like sucking hair
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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