He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
