Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize