I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
