I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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