you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
