What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
