i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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