Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
