# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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