i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
