someone threw a dead crab at me
I just saw a hot homeless man
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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