I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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