Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Sext me about skeletons
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
