I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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