My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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