How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
