I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
