i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
