whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
