Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
