fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
one two three fourrrrnication!
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
