Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
