We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
