College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
