he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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