Umm I'm too high to move.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
