Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Can you repeat that, but with context?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
