he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Randomize
