Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
