I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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