I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
