I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
how drunk are you?
Several
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
