Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You need Xanax blowdarts
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
