Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
