in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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