you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
