he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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