her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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