first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
