I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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