I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
