Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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