I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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