So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
