i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
