He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
