DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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