You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
