I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
