if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
