Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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