I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize