Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
