i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Randomize
