Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Randomize
