I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
