the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
