she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize