my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
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