your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
