I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Randomize
