people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
