People with herpes should wear stickers.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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