it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
