Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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