So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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