Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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