Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
